"Strong" Women

When I read Kareem Abdul Jabbar's "The 'Strong Woman' Myth", I actually hooted and hollered. I love it when someone articulates what I've known all along. In this article, he discusses the use of "positive" modifiers for people groups in mass media, like saying "proud African Americans" or "strong women." He posits that the modifiers are insulting and detrimental to their communities because they also imply the opposite while being employed, or they take on a derogatory meaning all on its own. For example, "proud" can imply that there are many who aren't, and it has taken on the meaning of "uppity" or "arrogant." Even the word "white" in "white trash" implies that trash usually isn't white. "Strong" is used because women are typically considered "weak," and implies there are still many who are weak.

In my early twenties, I encountered a group of Asian American Christian men in my church, mostly Korean American, who took it upon themselves to label me, and several of my friends, "strong girls." They didn't even use the word "women." They meant it as a joke, to refer to the women in their church who aren't afraid to voice their opinions and debate with men. "Strong girls" didn't act like cooking and cleaning were their first priorities. Strong girls didn't act or look meek...humble. They laughed loudly, they interpreted the Bible in a thought provoking manner, and their intelligence stretched into the secular world. Sometimes they were even funnier than the boys. God fucking forbid.

Once, a guy came up to me to ask if I knew how to iron. I said, "Yeah, who doesn't." He went back to his group of gawking boys and they all exploded in giggles. Later, I found out there was a bet to see if I took on domestic tasks, being a strong girl and all.

It got spiritual too, of course. Suddenly, when the conservative woman in charge of teaching church leaders started saying that the women don't know their place in today's church, how women have improperly stopped wearing pantyhose, how women don't know how to serve anymore, how certain women were unteachable and proud, I felt invisible fingers starting to point at me. And although I couldn't change how I felt, my behavior started to change a bit, just to keep the invisible fingers at bay. I may have laughed more softly. I may have tried a new recipe for a small group Bible study dinner. I may have tried to look like I was praying harder and keeping my mouth shut.

(At this point, I'd like to take a moment to give a shout out to the guys who were friends, who never made me feel unattractive or too strong, the guys who respected me and cared for me. I won't forget you when I'm rich and famous.)

It all hurt my feelings at the time. I was young, and feeling very excited about my new found spirituality. I felt naive and manipulated by...the overall culture of the church? The church leaders? The boys who called me "strong"?

In my thirties, I'm married to a man who is smart and accomplished. It makes me incredibly competitive at times, and he has to remind me how much he respects me to get me to stop. It's crazy! I love him, respect him, am jealous of him, debate with him, tell him he's wrong, apologize to him, cry on his shoulder, let him cry on mine, and never in our marriage has he made me feel like those boys above. He doesn't call me "strong" as an insult because A) he's not a chauvinist, and B) he's secure in his identity and ability.

It took being married to a man like mine to realize those boys never had confidence. They wanted to be respected because of their positions in the church hierarchy of power, not because they deserve respect. And they wanted girls who were quiet and meek, the quintessential Christian wife who didn't care too much about their intellect, their appearance, or their voice, but still had to be thin, hot, and really good at everything behind the scenes. The kind of girl who will respect them simply because Ephesians says to respect the head of the family, whether they've earned it or not. Like this mystery woman exists. This ridiculous desire of theirs causes women to change their personalities, to downplay their talents, to silence their voices.

The reason I write this now is because I know there are still men like this in the church, making women feel too strong if they ever call a church skit sexist, or state that they're feminists, or simply disagree with a male church leader. The church will excuse their behavior because they are men and because they hold positions in the church, but the church will not validate the feelings of the women they affect. I certainly hope I'm wrong. I hope girls that choose to go to church today can freely be themselves. But I have a feeling that as long as churches hold on to the archaic notion that women don't belong in leadership, men will continue to accuse women of being "too strong."

Chris Tomlin: Industry-industry-industry

Lately, my Christian friends from the past have been posting this video of Chris Tomlin and some other dudes of color singing "How Great is our God" with video montages of poor people in Asia and Africa in the background and some vaguely African choir in brightly colored clothing singing choral back up.

Chris Tomlin is probably a really nice guy, has true faith, has talent, and is good looking. No one wants to hate him, and I'm not asking you to. I am asking you to consider that he's part of CCM, which is an industry.

CCM has important problems that are never addressed by Christians because they don't want to criticize the songs that make them feel closer to God. But I don't feel close to CCM songs anymore. So here we go.

1. Sexism in the industry: In Evangelical Christianity, male leadership is encouraged and instated. Women are encouraged to support men, or to teach and support each other and children. With a lack of focus on Bible passages that recognize women leadership, most churches use men to lead the significant stuff like "worship." In the CCM industry, female artists have started to emerge but the Weekly Contemporary Christian Music Charts are still largely dominated by men. The biggest CCM cash cow is the large concerts where the venue is charged a set amount, CDs and merch are sold, and ticket sales run high. Most of those concert tours are all men. Evangelical Christianity promotes male worship leaders, creating a market for CCM's male worship leaders. Men profit the most.

2. Racism in the industry: Joe Bob Briggs, a film critic/comic, once defined contemporary Christian music as "bad songs written about God by white people." Mark Allan Powell, professor of New Testament at Trinity Lutheran Seminary and whom I got the quote from, disagrees and states that many ethnic groups are represented. While that may be true, Briggs's joke rings true because we don't really know any of them. The larger evangelical movement follows white, cisgender male songwriters and worship leaders. Test the assertion...QUICK! Name the top five worship songs you love to sing. Who sings them?

The Chris Tomlin video linked above is ludicrous. I feel annoyed when secular artists like Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel bring up African American gospel choirs. They appropriate black music for their own monetary gain, and very little gain for the choirs. Yet, Christians wave their arms and sing along when Chris Tomlin produces this multicultural rubbish to pretend like they are all connected through Christ, when only a few on that stage or screen have access to the same privileges in life. It perpetuates only the emotion of "being one in Christ" and ignores the complexities of reality, in which Jesus seemed deeply invested.

3. Profit, profit, profit: The object of any industry is for fame and ultimately money. CCM's got market shares, ticket sales, concert promotions, merch, CDs, digital downloads. It promotes their artists as rock stars, encouraging people to scream over them, climb over each other to meet them, buy their music the second it's released, get autographs and pictures. Many young Christian women and men are more than willing to give it up. Male worship leaders learn the guitar like Tomlin and step away from the mic to let the voices sing. Female fans swoon over his simple lyrics and wonder if they'll ever find a man who understands how they feel about God, like Tomlin's song can do (see #1 concerning sexism promoted by CCM). The Blah Blah, an indie music blog, quotes that "one well-known worship group he had spoken with was asking over $35,000. $35,000! To play worship music! I have a family of four, and I don’t make that much money in 2 years, let alone 2 hours of playing music that is supposed to be for God." Mark Allen Powell quotes Daniel Smith of the band Danielson, who "dismisses the whole notion of a Christian music market by saying, 'I just find it hard to believe that Christ wants to be in a market. Didn’t he turn over those tables?'"

Most Christians I know ignore that CCM and Chris Tomlin are a subset of a larger music industry. Instead, they personalize their own experience with CCM music: "Well, I feel God using the songs to talk to me. That's all that really matters."

Not to me.

Reason 2: Christians try to "bless" you by bragging

Topics in why I consider myself an ex-Christian

Reason 2: Christians try to "bless" you by bragging.

Call it what you will: encourage, bless, share... They all sound like clanging symbols in my ears. Here are some bilious ways Christians try to "bless" you: talk about how close they feel to God, how they are experiencing the joy of God, how they have a special connection with God, how God revealed some secret to you recently. It's a form of bragging. If you don't like that word, how about this: It's a way for you to convince yourself that life isn't as volatile as you feel. Either way, it's self focused. I know why Christians think they should talk this way. They think it's either their responsibility to testify about the moment of spiritual bliss they experienced (bragging), or they think if you hear how "well" they are doing, you might be convinced that you too can have the same joy in your life. These are shallow excuses. If Christians really empathized with the person they were talking to, they would shut up and listen. That's how you bless someone. Not by spouting how great your spiritual life has been lately.

(The other side of the coin would be to share some vague notions of suffering they've had lately. Sounds like a longer version of this: I've been struggling lately, but God is good.)