Reason 2: Christians try to "bless" you by bragging

Topics in why I consider myself an ex-Christian

Reason 2: Christians try to "bless" you by bragging.

Call it what you will: encourage, bless, share... They all sound like clanging symbols in my ears. Here are some bilious ways Christians try to "bless" you: talk about how close they feel to God, how they are experiencing the joy of God, how they have a special connection with God, how God revealed some secret to you recently. It's a form of bragging. If you don't like that word, how about this: It's a way for you to convince yourself that life isn't as volatile as you feel. Either way, it's self focused. I know why Christians think they should talk this way. They think it's either their responsibility to testify about the moment of spiritual bliss they experienced (bragging), or they think if you hear how "well" they are doing, you might be convinced that you too can have the same joy in your life. These are shallow excuses. If Christians really empathized with the person they were talking to, they would shut up and listen. That's how you bless someone. Not by spouting how great your spiritual life has been lately.

(The other side of the coin would be to share some vague notions of suffering they've had lately. Sounds like a longer version of this: I've been struggling lately, but God is good.)

My response to a note sent by an evangelical

Recently, my friend's husband messaged me because of his "concern" for my eternal salvation. He is not a bad guy, but this kind of email is prototypical of "true believers." Here is a sample letter, a compilation of letters that people like me receive from time to time.

Praise,

(First some pleasantries)

I fear for you and your testimony. I've been reading some of your facebook posts and they don't reveal the Praise that I know.

Maybe you think that I should mind my own business and want to defriend me. But I do not fear of losing your friendship on a social network site... Rather I am moved by the fear of losing a friend eternally. 

Please understand I am not judging you - I'm just concerned. We used to pray together for missions.

I have to say that I was prompted to send you note and so I have.

I won't go into quoting scripture or outlining a sermon. Just know - I am praying for you.

With prayers (or In Christ, or In His hands),
Concerned Friend #231

My initial feeling was anger, as it usually is. Why do people have to judge me and say they're not judging me? They assume they have something to give me, that I can't give them. A helping hand to salvation. The way to righteousness. Knowledge of the love of God. And as if they are doing it out of true concern, when true concern begets action.

Instead of saying, "Hey Praise! Haven't talked to you in a while!" I get this spiritualized statement of concern: I fear for you and your testimony. I've been reading some of your facebook posts and they don't reveal the Praise that I know.

I'm not sure exactly what FB posts you are referring to. Are you upset about my use of swear words in some status updates (asshat, dickwad, cuntface, shall I go on)? Are you upset by my use of those words against FOX News, or people who make racially offensive remarks? Are you upset when I show my anger against sexism in the Korean American community and tell someone to fuck off?  What about pictures of me in front of tequila shots with my husband and friends? I've quit smoking, but I'm holding a cigarette in a few old photos. Am I hitting the nail on the head to your vague concern? 

You know what I'd really like? If you actually just...liked me. As a person. Thought I was funny or smart. Respected my intelligence. Enjoyed reading how I express myself. Wanted to get to know me. Wanted to expand your own view of Christianity and theology by engaging me in actual discourse. Asked me a question you were curious about concerning a status update. All of those responses would show me you care. The other stuff? Shows me you're religious. And I've really had enough of that.